how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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