I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
