can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
