If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
