420 ftw
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
