just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Found the puke drawer
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
