SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
