Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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