Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
