Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
