OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need moral support for this bender
50% drunk capacity currently
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
