woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
