4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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