you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize