You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
