new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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