I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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