hell yes lets make some ravioli
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
