I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
