I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
