I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
