Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
