Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
