Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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