I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
