Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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