Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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