Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
