I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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