Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
