i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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