I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
