I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
