Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
