that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
