he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
