My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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