Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
