Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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