i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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