I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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