yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
