Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
