She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
handjob tips. give me some.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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