That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
