your thong is hanging out like whoa
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
