I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
