Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
