just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
