is your mom at the bar?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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