and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
