In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
