So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
