Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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