I faked an abortion last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
