I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
