their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
