you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize