Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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