Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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