Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She needs sedatives and a leash
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
