Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
