I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
