I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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