His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize