She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
