just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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