Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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