you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
