It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
