32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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