My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She bit a glass in half.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
