Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she smelled like a LAN party
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
