I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
