she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
