Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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