everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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