she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
