did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
