i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
