explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
