So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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