Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
