Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Randomize
