i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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