4 words: hood of his car
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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