I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I need to sanitize my soul.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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