May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Randomize
