smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
