found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize