Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
