i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
