the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
