i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
