White coat. Heels.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
