Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
