Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
