Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize